As I wrote in my previous blog post there were many ways that the Lord has used situations to teach me what it means to rest in Him in the midst of the chaos. In those situations he provided many opportunities to teach me that very important lesson that I will continue to learn through out the years to come. For several months I had been longing for this special surprise but didn't really realize it until it fell right into my lap.
This surprise that just proved to me just how AWESOME and LOVING the Lord is and reminded me that He cares for not just my needs but also my wants was how He provided for me to be able to go to a ladies worship night out of town. Two Saturdays ago out of the blue a friend asked me if I wanted to attend a womens night of worship at a church a few hours away from our house. She was going to lead worship and my husband (who rocks by the way) pushed me out the door! While I was there I just felt so parched spiritually. I was struggling with the stress of all that was going on. I was going and going and going and the Lord knew that I needed to just stop and breathe! I was blessed to be able to meet some really awesome ladies who loved the Lord and who were so very real! We shared a wonderful meal as we fellowshiped and encouraged each other. It was so refreshing to just be there. After dinner we had a time of worship for a few hours. I sat by myself and I could not get enough of Jesus.
The focus of the night was Praise in the midst of trials. To be honest, I had a hard time at first. I wish I could say that it was easy for me. It wasn't. I was so exhausted emotionally by all that is happening with David. I was going through a week where I realized I was grieving for what I had thought would be reality for my child. I was struggling with feelings of guilt. I was fighting blaming myself for his delays. I was so tired. I was just very sad. I stood and sang every song. I prayed. Some songs I could barely sing because all I could do was cry. I finally realized how much I was grieving and that I needed to just lay it all out to the Lord. I sat there and have never cried so hard in worship before. I was able to acknowledge in that time before Him just how weak I was...how much I was grieving. I had been afraid to acknowledge my grief. I felt shame. But, as I continued to pray I started to listen to the words that I was singing and I was able to hear the Lord. It was just a sweet time of fellowship at His feet. I remember the feeling that I could almost feel the Lord put His hand on me in comfort. I didn't feel condemnation, I felt love. It was probably one of the most precious moments of worship I had ever had. I was so very grateful. I thought that was all that the Lord was blessing me with and then He surprised me again!
At the beginning of the evening the womens ministry leader shared her heart and was refreshingly honest about the fact that she was having a hard time getting into the attitude of praise due to the crazy events that had happened during the day. She was feeling so rushed and her point was that worship is a choice not based on feelings. Worship is the sacrifice of praise. It isn't always easy. We don't just worship when we feel like it; rather we worship in the midst of pain...in the midst of suffering...in the midst of grief because of who Jesus is! At the end of the evening I wanted to share with her how grateful I was that she chose the subject of the evening to be praise in the midst of trials. I shared with her how He had ministered to me that evening. As I shared with her some of my thoughts about the journey with David she stopped me and said, "when I shared tonight that it was a hard thing for me to praise it was because of the struggles that my children WHO HAVE SPECIAL NEEDS were having that day"! WOW! God was sooo wonderful to introduce me to this beautiful lady. The Lord had planned that blessing for me! As we were leaving I mentioned that I came with my friend that evening because I didn't drive because I had epilepsy. She stopped again and said that I needed to meet another lady who "has epilepsy and also has a son who has Autism"! ARE YOU KIDDING ME Lord?!!! LOL Turns out I had already met this lady at the table I was sitting at. It was such a blessing to be able to meet other moms who were walking this journey. As if it couldn't get any better someone had invited me to attend the ladies retreat that the church was having in the Fall and decided that they were going to pay for me to go! My cup runneth over by the love of the Lord for me! I was not only spiritually parched and just needed to feel the Lord's presence I also was hungering after more friendships with mothers who are walking this same journey. He gave me exceedingly more than I had expected to receive that evening. His love for me is so much deeper than I will ever realize. Those things that I didn't realize that I needed He had so lovingly provided. He is faithful!
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