Meltdowns are hard. I am not talking about meltdowns in the sense of what we all think are temper tantrums. I am talking about the meltdown of a child with Autism or any other disorder that has an effect on sensory issues. Tantrums are so easy to punish. For us time out gets the greatest response of future obedience and understanding that there is a reason for the time out. Meltdowns clearly do not have any sense of understanding. When my child has what I call an Autism meltdown (my way of drawing a distinction between the two----meltdowns vs temper tantrums) it is like he is in another world. I see the frustration and the physical reaction to what is going on inside his mind in response to sensory overload. There is a look of total fear and anxiety. Sometimes it looks like he is trapped and he doesnt know how to get out of the environment or away from the noises that are happening around him.
For the past year I have been kind of dreading this new part of the journey we are on. David has for the most part been okay with change. Sure he has his temper tantrums as any 3 year old child (3 years old in 3 weeks :) ). They are frustrating for any parent. That is just the life of a parent with a child his age. However, the past few weeks have brought a different response to change from David. The first time he had a major meltdown was a few weeks ago.
David's daily routine for the past year has been going to pre-school in the morning, coming home and eating lunch, taking a nap from 2:00-5:00 and then eating dinner when he wakes up. He walks directly to the kitchen and looks for his dinner and sits in his chair. If dinner isnt ready but I tell him I am fixing it he is ok with that as long as he knows that it is dinner time. Well, this one particular afternoon when he woke up from his nap I was in the middle of trying to get something done so I thought I would give him a few moments on the ipad that he absolutely loves and normally makes him sooo happy. However, as soon as I changed the routine even for something that he loves he immediately melted down like I had never seen before. At first I didnt know what to think but about a minute into it I knew exactly what I was witnessing. I could see the physical change in him. Nothing could calm him down....not even putting him in his seat to eat. His little body shook and he just couldnt catch his breath between sobs. He began to run back and forth and slam his body into the walls and hitting them pretty hard. He was just out of control and I knew that this was not normal. When I tried to calm him down it made it worse. I couldnt figure out what was wrong. My heart just sank and I just wanted to cry. I just felt helpless. So, I managed to get him to his room and he fell on the floor and just kept kicking and sobbing. Finally, I just let him be. He had such a look of fear. I began to just stroke him calmly and let him cry and kick and just sang to him and I prayed over him. He slowly began to calm. By this time the meltdown was probably 15 minutes long. It seemed like forever. He finally calmed down enough for me to take him into the kitchen and start to give him dinner. He cried and cried for another 5-10 minutes and I continued to sing whatever song came to my mind and then finally he was calm and began to eat. For the rest of the night he was perfectly fine. It all happened due to the slight change in routine.
One thing I have learned through my relationships with other moms who have children with Autism that it can be very difficult when these situations start happening in public. He had 2 meltdowns yesterday at school for the first time. This was what I had feared would start happening and now the time has come. His teachers were shocked because they had never seen him display that type of behavior before. I was able to have a conference with his principal and I am grateful that I was able to explain to her this new challenge both David and we are having. He has started to display this behavior in different places that we go depending on what is going on around him. For parents of children who do not have special needs but have tantrums in public it can be hard. BUT for those parents who do have a child with Autism or any other sensory issue and they have a meltdown in public it is really difficult especially when it escalates. Many people think "cant that parent control their child", "cant believe they are just letting him sceam and kick on the floor like that", "the kid is so disobedient...if I were their parent..". Before I became a parent of a child with special needs I unfortunately thought those things. I am ashamed to say it. Now that I am on the other side of it and I see a family who has a child who is acting up I just pray. I pray for that family. I pray for that parent. I pray for that child. I pray because what may seem like a clear example of being bratty in public may just be a child struggling with trying to be able to handle all that is going on around them....the lights, the noise, the atmosphere....whatever causes them discomfort and fear can lead to a sensory meltdown. As a special needs mom my cry is to educate others on how to be an encouragement to those parents whose children have challenges. You never know how much your response will lift a heavy load when others are not so understanding.
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