Early signs of concern.......

                          Something in my gut was telling me that there was something wrong. I know people thought I was crazy and a typical new mom overly concerned about their child. But something was just not right. David was not reaching some developmental stages early on. There were pretty good things though. He was pretty good at being able to take his bottle. I tried to breast feed and it was just not working and it was not a thrill at all. As soon as we offered him the bottle he just scarfed it down. :) He didn’t have a problem with formula at all. That was the great thing. From the time we brought him home and once we changed to the bottle he was sleeping just fine. He slept three to four hours at a time so that meant we only had to get up twice an evening. He was a pretty easy newborn.
                          It was hard for me not to compare him to other babies his age. I saw things early on that concerned me. He HATED tummy time. He HATED it! It was so frustrating. He would just scream.....not just cry out of being annoyed....scream from the moment we put him on his tummy. He had a hard time lifting his head. It seemed like forever before he just was annoyed. He was five months old when he finally would lay on his tummy and lift his head without screaming. Once we got him to play on his tummy it took him awhile to get him to roll over. He didn’t roll over until he was 7 months old. He didn’t start crawling until he was 9 months old. He was around 11 months old when he sat up on his own. Once he started crawling he of course was everywhere! LOL I was so happy to see him start to explore. Finally, on the day of his first birthday party he stood for the very first time. He pulled himself up as he played with his toy box. I was so happy! When he was 16 months old he finally met a developmental milestone on time...... he took his first steps on his own. Brian had come home from work and he saw him at the door let go of the table and took 3 steps towards him! We were soooooo excited!!!!!
                          I have to admit like everyone else most of the time even though I had that gut feeling I did think that I was just paranoid at times. I kept trying to agree with everyone who said to me that he was just a boy and boys develop later than girls.  I began to hate that mostly because the more differences I saw in David the stronger my feeling became. I had watched so many other children around his age meet milestones way ahead of him. I began to be hard on myself. Was there something wrong with me? Was I a good mom? I think we all think that when our children are not doing what we think they should be doing. But I still had that gut feeling and was screaming inside for someone to listen. It was a hard time. In my heart I knew that there was something not right. I knew that Autism ran in my side of the family and I knew that it was a hereditary disorder. I kept trying to put that thought in the back of my head. But when we started to feed him baby food I believe that is was confirmed in my heart that something was definitely wrong. He was around 5 months old. This was going to be a difficult journey. I started to Google early signs of Autism in infants and I didn’t like what I had read and I had to acknowledge that this could be a possibility. My heart just sank......

                                
                               
                         

Did I Do the Right Thing?!

                                                     As I continue with our story I feel it is important to share with you and remind you that the things and feelings that I share are based on my own thoughts, beliefs and feelings in our situation. Every child is different and every family situation is different. Every struggle is different. It is my desire to take you on this journey in the most transparent way only to allow others to learn from our journey. I am so very grateful for the support of my husband and please continue to read the blog because you never know when Brian will decide to write about his thoughts on his/our journey with Autism.......Hint Hint!!! :) I am very excited that he wants to join in on the fun!
                          As I held David for the first time I couldn’t believe that he was ours. I was usually the one visiting friends in the hospital who had babies and going to the many baby showers and birthday parties through the years. I was never the one who was the new mom. Now we were taking our son home for the very first time. I was both excited and fearful at the same time. David was a beautiful newborn baby. He was such an easy newborn. He slept no less than 3-4 hours at a time from the moment we brought him home at three days old. We never had to get up more than twice an evening. He was a very content baby. My favorite times of the day were when I would rock him in the rocker and feed him. To look into his deep blue eyes was magical and I would sing and pray over him. I didn’t enjoy getting up in the middle of the night but I did enjoy being able to spend those moments when Brian was in bed and it was just David and I. Sometimes I miss those moments. I loved his laugh. I loved when he would belly laugh in his sleep. I loved how he would grasp my finger and would not let go......he had quite the grip!  lol  I loved that he was not a small baby....he was not fragile and he fit perfectly in our arms. I just loved everything about him. Mostly, I just loved that he was ours to raise.
                                    When I was pregnant with David I had a huge struggle inside. I struggled with having fear that the medication that I had to take for my epilepsy was going to have a negative effect on David. Do I not take meds and risk having a seizure and possibly lose or hurt our child or do I take them to prevent the seizure and still have a chance of losing or hurting our child? It was a horrible struggle. I had peace that Jesus was taking care of us but it still hurt my heart to think I could be hindering our child. Sometimes I felt so conflicted and sometimes guilty......sometimes I still do.....more on that later. I was constantly questioning myself. Is David really going to be okay? Is he damaged in any way by what I had to do? Did I do the right thing? In the back of my mind I knew my fear was justified and I knew that Autism was a possibility in our future....even from the moment he was born. At that time it was a terrifying thought. For years I had some doctors tell me that if I had a child he would be damaged from the meds that I took. It was such a hard lie to overcome. I knew it ran in my family and I had read research on the meds that I had to take which discussed its effects on Autism. We used to watch those STUPID lawyer commercials on television that tell you to call a lawyer if your child was damaged in any way from a medication you had to take. Those commercials made me so angry....they still do. It was always a fear inside me. It was a thought that I had to continually give back to the Lord and sometimes still have to give back to the Lord. In those late night feedings I had to surrender those fears. I had many honest conversations with the Lord as I rocked our baby. The Lord continually reminded me that David was His and that He had a plan for him. He was not ours. We were not in charge of the plan. Jesus was in charge of the plan.  I believe the Lord used those moments and those fears to prepare me for this journey.


                                
                               
                                   
                                
                                

9 lbs. 2 oz. and 22 inches long! He was perfect!

                          Finally, I slept! It was wonderful! When I woke up all I wanted to do was eat. I was so hungry. I ordered a huge chicken cesear salad and scarfed it down. I decided to just get comfortable because I had the whole day to just relax and sleep as much as I could before we would meet our son the next morning. Some of our closest friends that Brian hangs out with on Sunday nights called and wanted to come see us. I said sure! The more the merrier. My friend Ty had gone home to get some much needed rest before she and her husband went out to dinner with friends. She called me right before they left to make sure that there were no changes and that we were on schedule for David to be born the next day. I told her everything was good and that it was safe for her to leave and have a great time! That was around 3:00. I then called my Mom because it was her birthday and I wanted to wish her a happy birthday and let her know what was going on and ensure her that everything was fine and on schedule. Little did I know I would be calling her and Ty an hour later with an update.
                            Brian was resting when the doctor came in and said that because I was diagnosed with pre eclampsia they felt that my C-section needed to happen as soon as possible. Then she told me that because I had just eaten an hour before this that I was going to have to wait until 11:00pm.... 8 HOURS.... to have the C-section. I was so frustrated. I thought, "Can we just get this over already?" PTL the anesthesiologist on call decided that it was not necessary to wait that long because I didn’t have a history of difficulty with anesthesia. Dr. Lee was awesome! He met with me before and answered all my concerns and put me completely at ease both prior and during the C-section. As long as I live in Lynchburg if I ever have a surgery I will be requesting that he be my anesthesiologist if at all possible. As I mentioned before Brian was resting when the doctor came in and he sat up and immediately started making calls to our pastor and posting on FB that the C-section would be happening very soon. I called my Mom and told her that she would be getting a grandson for her birthday. Then I called Ty to let her know that they had changed plans and David would be born asap. I felt so bad that she would miss his birth. She was over an hour away. There was no way she would make it in time. I assured her that it was ok and that she had already been there for me. I knew she would come to see David as soon as she was back in town that night. The doctor said that David would be born within the next hour and a half. At that point everything went crazy.
                            The nurse was coming in and preparing me for surgery, Brian was making calls, the staff was having Brian change into scrubs for the operating room. Next thing I knew I was being taken to the OR and having a spinal block put in. At that point I had no fear.....all I wanted was for David to be born. I wasn’t nervous at all. The nurse was so great that helped me stay still during the spinal block. Immediately it took effect and I was on the operating table. Time seemed to be going so slow. I kept asking where Brian was. It seemed like an eternity before they let him come in. But as soon as they did the doctor started the C-section and within 5 or so minutes out came our beautiful red headed bouncing baby boy! It was Sunday, May 6, 2012 and 5:25pm. He was 9 lbs. 2 oz. and 22 inches long! He was perfect! I can still see him being raised up by the nurse.....he was beautiful! I remember Brian telling me that he had red hair. :) I had silently prayed in my heart for a child with red hair. To me that was just an extra blessing. I remember the nurse coming over to me and putting David close to me while they finished up the operation. He was beautiful! Since he was technically a preemie they kept him in the NICU for a few hours but Brian assured me that everything was fine. It was. After they had finished with me in recovery and moved me to the mother/baby room Brian went to the NICU to check on David and wouldn’t leave him for the two hours that David was there. Daddy was in love with his little boy. Brian told me later that night that the nurses didn’t know what to do with "Bohemouth".....he was huge compared to these tiny little preemies that they had in there. I remember being so jealous that I had to wait to be with David. But, I was glad that he was healthy and was being taken care of. We named him David John Long after Brian's father David and my father John. His name also means Man after God's own heart and Friend of God. I pray that he grows up to be both....to love the Lord with all his heart, mind, soul and strength and that he would have a soft heart towards Jesus. The day I met the Lord, the day I married Brian and the day that David John Long came into the world are the three greatest days of my life. Without them I can’t even imagine what life would have been like. Now what in the world do we do with this child? lol

                                               

It Was A Sunday.........

                                  It was a Sunday. I was scheduled to have a C-Section on Monday. Brian would normally spend Sunday night with friends like he does every Sunday night. We decided that since that would be our last night having it just be the two of us he would stay home with me....besides I was going to have to be at the hospital early Monday morning. We were soooo excited! I was excited and nervous and impatient all at the same time. At that time I could not remember what it felt like not have a huge basketball inside me. :) I was so ready to not feel like a gigantic balloon about to pop! I remember being soooo happy that I was put on bed rest the week before David was born because I just felt so huge I just really didn’t want one more person to tell me....wow! I guess you are about ready huh? Actually, a friend ended up going to Target with me because I had to buy stuff for the hospital. I wasn’t supposed to be walking around but I really needed to go. So, her solution was to go to Target and she rode around in the little motorized carts with me....she drove one and I drove one. We were a pretty hilarious site. It was a memory I will never forget as I kept crashing into the aisles. LOL It was a fun time with a dear friend who was a constant encouragement and who David will always call Aunt Ty. :)
                      For the last few months of my pregnancy I made the couch my bed. It was the only place I could get comfortable. It was the only place that I could actually get a decent night sleep. I was getting ready to go to sleep on Saturday night and then about 12:30am on Sunday morning I just knew something just didn’t feel right. I had had a condition that developed a week prior to this called cholestasis. It makes you itch throughout your entire body even inside your mouth but you don’t get a rash. You just itch. It can be dangerous because it can affect the liver and also the baby. The only way to get rid of it is to deliver. It’s kind of like your body becomes allergic to the pregnancy. And as my luck would have it I was chosen to be a part of the 1% that develops cholestasis. Well, that particular evening it felt like I just could not handle it anymore! I could not stop itching all over! It was horrible. Because I knew that it was potentially dangerous I told Brian we needed to go to the hospital. I just didn’t feel right. So, around 12:30am we left for the hospital. When we arrived at the hospital they monitored me and reviewed my pregnancy history. They were concerned that throughout my pregnancy my blood pressure had constantly been high. I had been monitored about a week earlier due to it being 170/100. So after checking me and the baby the doctor finally at around 5:00am said they were going to keep me over night since it would just be one more day before they would deliver David by C-Section. They were more concerned at this point about Pre Eclampsia than the Cholestasis issue. All I was thinking was, "Praise the Lord! I really didn’t want to have to be sent home only to turn around and have to come back again"! I had not slept since Saturday morning so at this point I was going almost 24 hours with no sleep. I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was get a bed and try to sleep.
                 My friend Ty had planned on being my doula when the plan was to deliver but since I was now scheduled to have a C-Section she had just planned on coming when we had arrived at the hospital on Monday morning. I had called her Sunday when I was leaving for the hospital and she met us there and stayed from about 1am to around 7:30 or so. I will be forever grateful for her sacrifice of being there in the middle of the night and staying with me while Brian ran home and grabbed necessities from the house. At that point the plan was to just rest on Sunday and then the next morning I would have my C-Section as planned. Well.....sometimes life throws you a curve ball.

From Spinal Meningitis to Mommyhood!

                      Shortly after I was born I became extremely ill with Spinal Meningitis. I had a collapsed lung and almost died. The doctors did not give much hope to my parents and said that if I did live I would not be able to function normally. It was their opinion that it would have been better if I didn’t survive. The Meningitis caused swelling of my brain that caused a cist to form on my brain. This was something that I was always going to have....it was inoperable. I was always slow in reaching the developmental stages. According to my mother I didn’t sit up until I was about a year old. I didn’t talk until almost 4 years old and walked I believe closer to 2 years old. My mother also recently told me that I had extreme eating issues.....I didn’t eat normally until I was almost 3-4 years old. Things came always as a challenge to me. I was also considered a pretty spacy child. My mother said that this started as early as infancy. I was always told I wasn’t paying any attention....I was in my own little world a lot. I remember my stepmom would snap her fingers at me and that would get me out of my "trance". The "trance" moments became more frequent when I was in junior high. It became so bad that I could not carry on a conversation with out spacing out. I would get severe headaches in the middle of the school day and then an hour later I would be spaced out throughout the rest of the day. Finally, when I was in 8th grade I was working at an after school day care center and in the middle of the playground I had my first Gran-Mal Seizure. That is when they discovered that I had epilepsy. I was 15 years old.
                     Epilepsy brought more challenges to my life growing up. School was difficult and people sometimes didn’t have patience for a child who looked like they were just not paying attention when in fact she was having a peti-mal seizure. Honestly, though, I never really thought about it much except for the few embarrassing moments of people not being very kind. As far as college there were many people that thought graduating from high school was enough for me and that I shouldn’t go to college because I probably wouldn’t be successful. I never drove because I had my first seizure when I was 15 years old and continued to have them so getting my drivers license was not an option. That was really never anything that bothered me though. When I was diagnosed I remember clearly being in my neurologist’s office talking about the diagnosis of Epilepsy and what that meant. When he explained it all to me he also said that he highly recommended me not have children and that if I did have a child it could either hurt me or the baby. It would not be wise at all. I was pretty much discouraged from having a child ever. At that time of course, that was not a huge concern. I was only 15 years old. But, from that day on I just believed that I would probably never have a child. His words would continue to pour fear into having a kid. As I look back on this I see epilepsy as a blessing in my life. It is something that will keep me on medication for the rest of my life and there is always a chance each day I could have a seizure. But the biggest blessing is how the Lord has used it to keep me close to Him and how He has used it as a testimony of His grace in my life. I have always been on medication in the past 25 or so years and will always be.
                         When I became pregnant with David I was on the worst medication that you can be on if you are pregnant. It was the most dangerous meds for the baby. So when I found out I was pregnant it was very scary. The doctors immediately took me off of that medication and I had to go cold turkey and for the first time go completely off of medication. I was terrified. I remember thinking, "How could you expect me to just hope that I don’t have a seizure for the entire pregnancy Doc?!" The thought of having a seizure and losing the baby was so scary. But the Lord was faithful and protected David and me for the entire pregnancy. I was however, put on very good medication that was perfectly fine for David a few weeks into the pregnancy. Even though it was a slow transition and there were many doctors visits and blood work the Lord protected us both. To me being pregnant with David was one of the most precious times in my life when it came to my relationship with the Lord. I learned how to hear His voice. Whenever there was a moment of fear the Lord would immediately tell me that the baby would be just fine. He was always faithful to do that.
                      As I look back and think on all those that never thought that I would go to college, get married, complete my Masters of Education and finally do what I was told should never happen....have a child.... I just think WOW!!!! Look at all the Lord has done!!! SEE!!! My God is greater!!! Look how He has done exceedingly and abundantly above all that anyone could ask or think or imagine would happen with my life!!! He has been faithful! I pray that my life will always be a testimony of His faithfulness and love! I pray the same for David. As I continue to share I believe you will see how the Lord has already started to show His love through David's life..........