Today is Fathers Day and I find it fitting to write about the most important man in my life. The most amazing Dad to our precious son. So, I dedicate this to Brian....the love of my life....who also happens to have something in common with David...he too is on the spectrum. I don't write a lot about Brian but I wanted to share how much he has taught me as I learn on in this journey of being David's Mom. Brian teaches me every day as I observe his love for David.
Brian is always the one to remind me when I get discouraged that David is blessed to have us as his parents. He reminds me that in all the ways we know that we are fighting for him and are his greatest cheerleaders. He is quick to point out the fact that we have provided him the best education with teachers and therapists who love him and are quick to point out and celebrate his accomplishments.
One of my most favorite things about him is how much he makes each day fun. I don't think a day goes by when he doesn't spend time acting silly with David. He sings crazy songs that he makes up and tells him how much he loves him several times a day. He blasts the Beatles in the car and David belly laughs as the music plays. He especially loves to play "This little piggy" with his feet making David belly laugh un controllably. He LOVES to spend time with him and doesn't mind having to take time away from what he is doing to read to him when David asks. I love to watch him play outside with him and work in the garden teaching him and letting David "help" him. When I watch this my heart melts and makes me love Brian more and more each day.
I love that Brian sees the best in David. He takes his struggles and chooses to see the strengths in him. He is teaching me through his example to celebrate the little things that we all take for granted. This is a daily lesson I learn and he is ever so patient with me and is starting to understand that I fight off the worries of this Mamas heart. Brian sees David through the eyes of one who struggled all his life with Aspergers but just never knew he had it. Because of this he sees David just as he is. He sees his full potential. I thank The Lord for this because that helps me to see that as well. He loves him with unconditional love that is the most beautiful example of how much Jesus loves David.
David has a most wonderful Godly, loving example of what it means to be a man who loves The Lord with all his heart. He has a servants heart and seeks to teach David to have the same. He spends time praying with him and is teaching him at this early age to rely on The Lord. He is the first to apologize to his son when he feels it is called for and through that is teaching him humility and forgiveness. He holds him when he is sad and scared and shows him that he is safe and protected. He brings comfort to him and wipes his tears away. I am so thankful to be married to this man of God.
Thank you Brian for the many ways you show love to our son but most importantly the way you show him the love of Jesus and what it means to be a man after Gods own heart.
I love you!
Sunday, June 21, 2015
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Oh What A Wonderful Morning!
This morning was absolutely wonderful! We took David to see his developmental specialist for a check up. I had forgotten what he was like the first time we took him to see her on the day of his diagnosis. That day was so hard because he just cried and cried and cried the whole time. He was real spacey. He was not able to follow directions. His receptive language was still a struggle but that was at least much better than his expressive language. He was not able to point at pictures. It seemed like he had no clue what was on the page. He was not able to complete simple puzzles that should have been pretty easy. He seemed to not understand commands. His eye contact was not the best. He would make contact but we were not able to get his attention. He was acting like he may have had some hearing issues even though we knew he didn't. He was not making any type of verbal communication.....just babbling. He could not clap or mimic any songs or hand motions at all. He had no concept of what we were doing when we tried to sing simple songs like "Patty-Cake" and use motions. He would just stare. It was like he knew he was supposed to do something but couldn't figure it out. He had no words that he was saying. He wasn't at all interested in the toys that the OT was trying to get him to play with. He still did not really know how to play with toys at all. He could not stack blocks. As I think about all these things that I had forgotten about it makes me so encouraged to know that in many of these areas he has improved leaps and bounds! I need this soooo bad.
Sometimes even when you know your child has improved it is hard to see just how much improvement he has made. When the struggle goes on day after day it is easy to just see what is in front of you but hard to see just how far he has come. It is so easy to get discouraged when the improvement seems to be moving like a snail or when there is a digression of skill in an area. However, when there is an opportunity to be reminded of how far your child has come it is like a breath of fresh air! What a blessing to just be reminded!
David was so happy this morning with no tears at all (except when his ears were checked and head size measured ) and he just walked in the doctors office as if he owned the place. LOL He sat right on the play mat and began playing with the blocks and toys and puzzles. He even snuck around the OT and dug into her bag and found a car that she had and began playing with it. He said a few words that he has just started saying at school and home: "ashes", "done", "uh-oh". I have been working on getting him to mimic animal sounds and I think I heard him mimic the "moo" sound when he saw a cow in the book he was shown. He pointed to his eyes and nose when asked where they were. That has been something that they have been really working on at school. He seemed to be "reading" the book that he was given. He was sooo happy. His doctor just kept saying how much she saw huge improvement since the last visit and she was so happy. I love her. We kept praising his pre school and she was quick to remind us that it was also due to all that we have been doing for him. It was just so encouraging to be reminded of what great parents we are to David. I was able to ask her at the end of the appointment where she thought at this point David would be on the spectrum and she said he was VERY high functioning. Now, I know that some of you who know David will not be surprised by that. Neither are we!!! However, when his doctor confirmed it to us it was just so comforting and encouraging to both Brian and me. I needed to hear those words. I needed to hear how far he has come. I needed to be reminded that all the therapy and things that we have done in the last few years has paid off. We needed to be reminded that we have placed him in the perfect pre-school program for David. I also needed to be reminded that the major feeding/sensory issues are the last things that improve over time. I needed to hear that because that has been such a huge struggle and sometimes I feel as if David will never eat normal foods. But I was reminded that one day he will----even if it doesn't seem like it....he will. All I can do is do my best and that what I was doing was wonderful! I was just so thankful!!!
THEN to top it all off when we dropped him off at pre school I had such an encouraging conversation with his special ed teacher. In the last few months the plan has been for David to go to another school two days a week for specialized speech therapy. Then the other three days he would go to his current pre school in the inclusive environment. The plan was also to keep David back in the 2 year old class and not move him up to the 3s next year. Well, his IEP meeting will be next Thursday so nothing has been confirmed in writing but his special ed teacher says they are looking to change plans. They are considering keeping him full time at his current pre school and possibly not holding him back but move him up to the next age group. This is mostly due to the improvements in speech within these last few months. He is still significantly delayed in speech however since he has shown such great improvement and they are very encouraged that he will continue to do so!!!! As I said nothing has been put in writing or officially decided and either way we are content but it is just wonderful that they are at least considering these options.
Thank You Jesus for all you are doing in our little man's life. We are so grateful for all the improvements big and small that he has made. I pray that in those moments where I want to pull my hair out in discouragement and frustration that the Lord will remind me of this day. May those who are walking this journey and reading this blog be also encouraged to remember those moments when our children make improvements whether they be big or small. :)
Sometimes even when you know your child has improved it is hard to see just how much improvement he has made. When the struggle goes on day after day it is easy to just see what is in front of you but hard to see just how far he has come. It is so easy to get discouraged when the improvement seems to be moving like a snail or when there is a digression of skill in an area. However, when there is an opportunity to be reminded of how far your child has come it is like a breath of fresh air! What a blessing to just be reminded!
David was so happy this morning with no tears at all (except when his ears were checked and head size measured ) and he just walked in the doctors office as if he owned the place. LOL He sat right on the play mat and began playing with the blocks and toys and puzzles. He even snuck around the OT and dug into her bag and found a car that she had and began playing with it. He said a few words that he has just started saying at school and home: "ashes", "done", "uh-oh". I have been working on getting him to mimic animal sounds and I think I heard him mimic the "moo" sound when he saw a cow in the book he was shown. He pointed to his eyes and nose when asked where they were. That has been something that they have been really working on at school. He seemed to be "reading" the book that he was given. He was sooo happy. His doctor just kept saying how much she saw huge improvement since the last visit and she was so happy. I love her. We kept praising his pre school and she was quick to remind us that it was also due to all that we have been doing for him. It was just so encouraging to be reminded of what great parents we are to David. I was able to ask her at the end of the appointment where she thought at this point David would be on the spectrum and she said he was VERY high functioning. Now, I know that some of you who know David will not be surprised by that. Neither are we!!! However, when his doctor confirmed it to us it was just so comforting and encouraging to both Brian and me. I needed to hear those words. I needed to hear how far he has come. I needed to be reminded that all the therapy and things that we have done in the last few years has paid off. We needed to be reminded that we have placed him in the perfect pre-school program for David. I also needed to be reminded that the major feeding/sensory issues are the last things that improve over time. I needed to hear that because that has been such a huge struggle and sometimes I feel as if David will never eat normal foods. But I was reminded that one day he will----even if it doesn't seem like it....he will. All I can do is do my best and that what I was doing was wonderful! I was just so thankful!!!
THEN to top it all off when we dropped him off at pre school I had such an encouraging conversation with his special ed teacher. In the last few months the plan has been for David to go to another school two days a week for specialized speech therapy. Then the other three days he would go to his current pre school in the inclusive environment. The plan was also to keep David back in the 2 year old class and not move him up to the 3s next year. Well, his IEP meeting will be next Thursday so nothing has been confirmed in writing but his special ed teacher says they are looking to change plans. They are considering keeping him full time at his current pre school and possibly not holding him back but move him up to the next age group. This is mostly due to the improvements in speech within these last few months. He is still significantly delayed in speech however since he has shown such great improvement and they are very encouraged that he will continue to do so!!!! As I said nothing has been put in writing or officially decided and either way we are content but it is just wonderful that they are at least considering these options.
Thank You Jesus for all you are doing in our little man's life. We are so grateful for all the improvements big and small that he has made. I pray that in those moments where I want to pull my hair out in discouragement and frustration that the Lord will remind me of this day. May those who are walking this journey and reading this blog be also encouraged to remember those moments when our children make improvements whether they be big or small. :)
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Sensory Meltdowns Vs Tantrums
Meltdowns are hard. I am not talking about meltdowns in the sense of what we all think are temper tantrums. I am talking about the meltdown of a child with Autism or any other disorder that has an effect on sensory issues. Tantrums are so easy to punish. For us time out gets the greatest response of future obedience and understanding that there is a reason for the time out. Meltdowns clearly do not have any sense of understanding. When my child has what I call an Autism meltdown (my way of drawing a distinction between the two----meltdowns vs temper tantrums) it is like he is in another world. I see the frustration and the physical reaction to what is going on inside his mind in response to sensory overload. There is a look of total fear and anxiety. Sometimes it looks like he is trapped and he doesnt know how to get out of the environment or away from the noises that are happening around him.
For the past year I have been kind of dreading this new part of the journey we are on. David has for the most part been okay with change. Sure he has his temper tantrums as any 3 year old child (3 years old in 3 weeks :) ). They are frustrating for any parent. That is just the life of a parent with a child his age. However, the past few weeks have brought a different response to change from David. The first time he had a major meltdown was a few weeks ago.
David's daily routine for the past year has been going to pre-school in the morning, coming home and eating lunch, taking a nap from 2:00-5:00 and then eating dinner when he wakes up. He walks directly to the kitchen and looks for his dinner and sits in his chair. If dinner isnt ready but I tell him I am fixing it he is ok with that as long as he knows that it is dinner time. Well, this one particular afternoon when he woke up from his nap I was in the middle of trying to get something done so I thought I would give him a few moments on the ipad that he absolutely loves and normally makes him sooo happy. However, as soon as I changed the routine even for something that he loves he immediately melted down like I had never seen before. At first I didnt know what to think but about a minute into it I knew exactly what I was witnessing. I could see the physical change in him. Nothing could calm him down....not even putting him in his seat to eat. His little body shook and he just couldnt catch his breath between sobs. He began to run back and forth and slam his body into the walls and hitting them pretty hard. He was just out of control and I knew that this was not normal. When I tried to calm him down it made it worse. I couldnt figure out what was wrong. My heart just sank and I just wanted to cry. I just felt helpless. So, I managed to get him to his room and he fell on the floor and just kept kicking and sobbing. Finally, I just let him be. He had such a look of fear. I began to just stroke him calmly and let him cry and kick and just sang to him and I prayed over him. He slowly began to calm. By this time the meltdown was probably 15 minutes long. It seemed like forever. He finally calmed down enough for me to take him into the kitchen and start to give him dinner. He cried and cried for another 5-10 minutes and I continued to sing whatever song came to my mind and then finally he was calm and began to eat. For the rest of the night he was perfectly fine. It all happened due to the slight change in routine.
One thing I have learned through my relationships with other moms who have children with Autism that it can be very difficult when these situations start happening in public. He had 2 meltdowns yesterday at school for the first time. This was what I had feared would start happening and now the time has come. His teachers were shocked because they had never seen him display that type of behavior before. I was able to have a conference with his principal and I am grateful that I was able to explain to her this new challenge both David and we are having. He has started to display this behavior in different places that we go depending on what is going on around him. For parents of children who do not have special needs but have tantrums in public it can be hard. BUT for those parents who do have a child with Autism or any other sensory issue and they have a meltdown in public it is really difficult especially when it escalates. Many people think "cant that parent control their child", "cant believe they are just letting him sceam and kick on the floor like that", "the kid is so disobedient...if I were their parent..". Before I became a parent of a child with special needs I unfortunately thought those things. I am ashamed to say it. Now that I am on the other side of it and I see a family who has a child who is acting up I just pray. I pray for that family. I pray for that parent. I pray for that child. I pray because what may seem like a clear example of being bratty in public may just be a child struggling with trying to be able to handle all that is going on around them....the lights, the noise, the atmosphere....whatever causes them discomfort and fear can lead to a sensory meltdown. As a special needs mom my cry is to educate others on how to be an encouragement to those parents whose children have challenges. You never know how much your response will lift a heavy load when others are not so understanding.
For the past year I have been kind of dreading this new part of the journey we are on. David has for the most part been okay with change. Sure he has his temper tantrums as any 3 year old child (3 years old in 3 weeks :) ). They are frustrating for any parent. That is just the life of a parent with a child his age. However, the past few weeks have brought a different response to change from David. The first time he had a major meltdown was a few weeks ago.
David's daily routine for the past year has been going to pre-school in the morning, coming home and eating lunch, taking a nap from 2:00-5:00 and then eating dinner when he wakes up. He walks directly to the kitchen and looks for his dinner and sits in his chair. If dinner isnt ready but I tell him I am fixing it he is ok with that as long as he knows that it is dinner time. Well, this one particular afternoon when he woke up from his nap I was in the middle of trying to get something done so I thought I would give him a few moments on the ipad that he absolutely loves and normally makes him sooo happy. However, as soon as I changed the routine even for something that he loves he immediately melted down like I had never seen before. At first I didnt know what to think but about a minute into it I knew exactly what I was witnessing. I could see the physical change in him. Nothing could calm him down....not even putting him in his seat to eat. His little body shook and he just couldnt catch his breath between sobs. He began to run back and forth and slam his body into the walls and hitting them pretty hard. He was just out of control and I knew that this was not normal. When I tried to calm him down it made it worse. I couldnt figure out what was wrong. My heart just sank and I just wanted to cry. I just felt helpless. So, I managed to get him to his room and he fell on the floor and just kept kicking and sobbing. Finally, I just let him be. He had such a look of fear. I began to just stroke him calmly and let him cry and kick and just sang to him and I prayed over him. He slowly began to calm. By this time the meltdown was probably 15 minutes long. It seemed like forever. He finally calmed down enough for me to take him into the kitchen and start to give him dinner. He cried and cried for another 5-10 minutes and I continued to sing whatever song came to my mind and then finally he was calm and began to eat. For the rest of the night he was perfectly fine. It all happened due to the slight change in routine.
One thing I have learned through my relationships with other moms who have children with Autism that it can be very difficult when these situations start happening in public. He had 2 meltdowns yesterday at school for the first time. This was what I had feared would start happening and now the time has come. His teachers were shocked because they had never seen him display that type of behavior before. I was able to have a conference with his principal and I am grateful that I was able to explain to her this new challenge both David and we are having. He has started to display this behavior in different places that we go depending on what is going on around him. For parents of children who do not have special needs but have tantrums in public it can be hard. BUT for those parents who do have a child with Autism or any other sensory issue and they have a meltdown in public it is really difficult especially when it escalates. Many people think "cant that parent control their child", "cant believe they are just letting him sceam and kick on the floor like that", "the kid is so disobedient...if I were their parent..". Before I became a parent of a child with special needs I unfortunately thought those things. I am ashamed to say it. Now that I am on the other side of it and I see a family who has a child who is acting up I just pray. I pray for that family. I pray for that parent. I pray for that child. I pray because what may seem like a clear example of being bratty in public may just be a child struggling with trying to be able to handle all that is going on around them....the lights, the noise, the atmosphere....whatever causes them discomfort and fear can lead to a sensory meltdown. As a special needs mom my cry is to educate others on how to be an encouragement to those parents whose children have challenges. You never know how much your response will lift a heavy load when others are not so understanding.
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Your Mercies in Disguise
"What if Your blessings come through rain drops? What if Your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You (Jesus) are near? What if my greatest disappointment or the aching of this life is a revealing of a greater thirst this world cant satisfy? What if trials of this life...the rain, the storms, the hardest nights are Your mercies in disguise?" These are lyrics from a song called Blessings written by singer/songwriter Laura Story. To me they are more than lyrics right now. They are the deep questions that I have in my heart when it comes to being a mom to a child with Autism....or even just having a child with special needs. Sometimes, to be honest, it is hard to see those blessings. In the midst of the fog and the frustrations it is hard to see clearly that each struggle the Lord is working out for His glory....to perfect me to be more like Him.
To be honest lately I have had so much going on in my heart and much of that I have been afraid to share in this post for fear of being vulnerable. However, as I have prayed in the last few weeks and have seen the things that the Lord has revealed to me I am taking the chance. Lately life has been sooo crazy! The last 6 months have been so busy. I have found myself way too busy to even reflect on what is going on inside my heart. It is like I have put that part of me on hold and held it all in to just get through the chaos. And now that the chaos and stress is over it is all pouring out like a river. And it hurts.
Lately as I have prayed and been able to breathe I have come to realize that I have battled some very real anger. I have found myself tempted to be angry when I see a friend's child be able to eat just like any other kid or hear them call them "Mom". When I have to explain to someone why David wont eat anything other than processed food. Most of the time people are very understanding but there are times when I have to show grace. My heart aches when I realize that this is going to be a permanent journey. I feel weak and sad and overwhelmed with all of the challenges that are going on and that we will continue to face. When I meet with David's teachers and we realize that he has to stay back in the same class next year because he is so far behind I know that it is the best thing for him yet I am so tempted to have such great fear about the future and what it will look like. But most of all right now my heart aches to hear my son say "Mommy". I think lately that has been the one thing that I have stuffed so deep down protecting myself from the hurt that it is now bursting and I don't know what to do with it. There is a very real jealousy that I battle when I see a little boy run up to his mom and say "Mommy". So I just surrender. I just say, "Jesus, please take this. Please bring comfort and peace. Please take my heart and remind me that You are in the midst of it. You do work it all to Your glory. You are blessing me in this trial. You are shaping me into Your image. You are teaching me to trust You. You are teaching me grace. You are teaching me more about Your faithfulness. You are teaching me to be real. You are teaching me to be transparent. You are teaching me to show love. You are teaching me that it is okay to grieve for what I thought would be reality. You are teaching me to choose joy even when the feelings are not there. You are teaching me to choose to accept reality. You are teaching me truth. You are teaching me to take my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ...to not allow the enemy to speak words of condemnation or blame. You are showing me my very real weaknesses and areas that I need to surrender to You. You are chastening me with Your love and Your Word. You are showing me how much You love me as I am a Mom to David. You are teaching me that You are sufficient and all that I need. You are so patient."
So, as I close this out I look back and see these things that I pour out to the Lord...these truths that I proclaim and that is where I see the blessings in this journey. Don't get me wrong...this is a daily battle...a daily war against the flesh. Grief is a very difficult journey...whether it is a death of a loved one or simply a death of what you thought would be a reality. However, it can bring blessings even in the darkest of days. So, that is what the Lord is carrying me through. For me it really is a revealing of a greater thirst that this world can't satisfy. As I continue to walk this journey may the Lord continue to remind me to take a hold of Him and to take my thoughts captive and see His blessings in the midst of the journey.
Romans 8:28
"And we know that all things work for the good of those who are in Christ Jesus..who have been called according to His purpose."
May that promise sink deep into my heart as I continue to surrender it all to Him.
To be honest lately I have had so much going on in my heart and much of that I have been afraid to share in this post for fear of being vulnerable. However, as I have prayed in the last few weeks and have seen the things that the Lord has revealed to me I am taking the chance. Lately life has been sooo crazy! The last 6 months have been so busy. I have found myself way too busy to even reflect on what is going on inside my heart. It is like I have put that part of me on hold and held it all in to just get through the chaos. And now that the chaos and stress is over it is all pouring out like a river. And it hurts.
Lately as I have prayed and been able to breathe I have come to realize that I have battled some very real anger. I have found myself tempted to be angry when I see a friend's child be able to eat just like any other kid or hear them call them "Mom". When I have to explain to someone why David wont eat anything other than processed food. Most of the time people are very understanding but there are times when I have to show grace. My heart aches when I realize that this is going to be a permanent journey. I feel weak and sad and overwhelmed with all of the challenges that are going on and that we will continue to face. When I meet with David's teachers and we realize that he has to stay back in the same class next year because he is so far behind I know that it is the best thing for him yet I am so tempted to have such great fear about the future and what it will look like. But most of all right now my heart aches to hear my son say "Mommy". I think lately that has been the one thing that I have stuffed so deep down protecting myself from the hurt that it is now bursting and I don't know what to do with it. There is a very real jealousy that I battle when I see a little boy run up to his mom and say "Mommy". So I just surrender. I just say, "Jesus, please take this. Please bring comfort and peace. Please take my heart and remind me that You are in the midst of it. You do work it all to Your glory. You are blessing me in this trial. You are shaping me into Your image. You are teaching me to trust You. You are teaching me grace. You are teaching me more about Your faithfulness. You are teaching me to be real. You are teaching me to be transparent. You are teaching me to show love. You are teaching me that it is okay to grieve for what I thought would be reality. You are teaching me to choose joy even when the feelings are not there. You are teaching me to choose to accept reality. You are teaching me truth. You are teaching me to take my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ...to not allow the enemy to speak words of condemnation or blame. You are showing me my very real weaknesses and areas that I need to surrender to You. You are chastening me with Your love and Your Word. You are showing me how much You love me as I am a Mom to David. You are teaching me that You are sufficient and all that I need. You are so patient."
So, as I close this out I look back and see these things that I pour out to the Lord...these truths that I proclaim and that is where I see the blessings in this journey. Don't get me wrong...this is a daily battle...a daily war against the flesh. Grief is a very difficult journey...whether it is a death of a loved one or simply a death of what you thought would be a reality. However, it can bring blessings even in the darkest of days. So, that is what the Lord is carrying me through. For me it really is a revealing of a greater thirst that this world can't satisfy. As I continue to walk this journey may the Lord continue to remind me to take a hold of Him and to take my thoughts captive and see His blessings in the midst of the journey.
Romans 8:28
"And we know that all things work for the good of those who are in Christ Jesus..who have been called according to His purpose."
May that promise sink deep into my heart as I continue to surrender it all to Him.
Saturday, January 3, 2015
A Better Wife and Mom
One year ago, January 2, 2014, the roller coaster started. As I have thought about the last year and the journey that we have been on I look in wander at all the lessons, blessings, struggles and joy that the Lord has walked with us through. As you have read, if you have been following my blog this last year, it seems like it has been an updown journey. It cerainly has like in all the seasons of life....the winter, spring, summer and fall seasons of life as we walk through it. This last year has cerainly produced those seasons when it comes to Autism and what it has meant to me. As I have read through the postings of the past year and have reflected on those moments I have many thoughts that I'd like to share with you. It has been awhile since I have been able to share....life has been nuts! I have been hungering to do so as I have received so much encouragement from many who have been reading it. I have decided to break these up into seperate blog posts in order to get back into the pattern of ministering to fellow parents of children with special needs at the start of this new year. This is just a tool that the Lord is using to minister to those who are walking this same journey.
First, I think it only appropriate to share how blessed I am to be married to a man who happens to be on the Autism Spectrum. He has taught me so many things in the last year. He has been patient, loving, understanding and has helped me understand the blessings. As I watch him be a Daddy to David with a patience that I honestly dont have sometimes....as all moms struggle with....it just amazes me. Brian and David have a special bond that no other person will ever be able to understand....not just because they are father and son. Brian has an ability to relate to our crazy 2 1/2 year old in a way that I will never be able to. Does that make me frustrated sometimes in the midst of tantrums? YES! It's not just parenting style. I literally see that David is a cookie cutter of his Daddy. They are sooooo very much a like. I love that! Because of that Brian makes me a better parent. The Lord is using my husband to teach me to be able to relate....to learn how to communicate with David although he is still non verbal. Brian just has this gift of being able to understand him. I am also grateful for his understanding of my frustrations. At the beginning of this journey it was extremely difficult. I was processing reality and it was always Brian's reality so it took some time to be able to understand that. But the Lord has been faithful. He has walked with us and we have become one in the journey. Brian has taught me to look for abilities and success in the little things. He makes me smile when he gets so goofy with David and dances around praising him for the things he succeeds at. He makes up his own lyrics to songs and is just silly with him. We have fun! Autism is a struggle. I struggle knowing that David will always struggle BUT Autism brings so many blessings and lessons with it.
My husband is a huge blessing. I think about the fact that the Lord knew way before I even met Brian that he was to be the man I would marry. He knew that He would not give us a child for 11 years. He knew that David was going to be created perfectly in His image but in that perfection happen to have Autism. He knew that I would be married to a husband and have a child who both are on the Autism Spectrum. He was never ever surprised. He planned it. He knew that this would be the journey that He would take me on. Is it hard? Yes. Do I sometimes struggle and not understand? Yes. Would I change it? No. Why? Because Jesus has called me to the journey and He is blessing me in it.....in the good, the bad and the ugly. He is blessing me in it. I am a better wife and a better mom because of it. I have grown leaps and bounds in my walk with the Lord in the past year. Why would I want to change that? I definitely could not be the Mom I am without the husband I have! It gives me a heart to pray for and appreciate all the parents out there that are single and raising a child/children with all different kinds of special needs. For those who are walking this journey as a single parent and may be reading this please know that you are being prayed for and Jesus knows every need you have and will continue to walk with you. You are NOT alone in the journey!
In this coming year I will continue to pour my heart out and be transparent because through it I know that there is encouragement for others. The Lord uses each moment, each tear, each feeling of frustration, joy, sadness to minister to others. I pray that as I continue on this journey that the Lord will speak to you and lift you in your times of grief, sadness in a situation and through it give you joy and peace to take one day and sometimes one moment at a time. God bless you as you learn to seek and trust Him this coming year!
Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You because he trusts in You".
First, I think it only appropriate to share how blessed I am to be married to a man who happens to be on the Autism Spectrum. He has taught me so many things in the last year. He has been patient, loving, understanding and has helped me understand the blessings. As I watch him be a Daddy to David with a patience that I honestly dont have sometimes....as all moms struggle with....it just amazes me. Brian and David have a special bond that no other person will ever be able to understand....not just because they are father and son. Brian has an ability to relate to our crazy 2 1/2 year old in a way that I will never be able to. Does that make me frustrated sometimes in the midst of tantrums? YES! It's not just parenting style. I literally see that David is a cookie cutter of his Daddy. They are sooooo very much a like. I love that! Because of that Brian makes me a better parent. The Lord is using my husband to teach me to be able to relate....to learn how to communicate with David although he is still non verbal. Brian just has this gift of being able to understand him. I am also grateful for his understanding of my frustrations. At the beginning of this journey it was extremely difficult. I was processing reality and it was always Brian's reality so it took some time to be able to understand that. But the Lord has been faithful. He has walked with us and we have become one in the journey. Brian has taught me to look for abilities and success in the little things. He makes me smile when he gets so goofy with David and dances around praising him for the things he succeeds at. He makes up his own lyrics to songs and is just silly with him. We have fun! Autism is a struggle. I struggle knowing that David will always struggle BUT Autism brings so many blessings and lessons with it.
My husband is a huge blessing. I think about the fact that the Lord knew way before I even met Brian that he was to be the man I would marry. He knew that He would not give us a child for 11 years. He knew that David was going to be created perfectly in His image but in that perfection happen to have Autism. He knew that I would be married to a husband and have a child who both are on the Autism Spectrum. He was never ever surprised. He planned it. He knew that this would be the journey that He would take me on. Is it hard? Yes. Do I sometimes struggle and not understand? Yes. Would I change it? No. Why? Because Jesus has called me to the journey and He is blessing me in it.....in the good, the bad and the ugly. He is blessing me in it. I am a better wife and a better mom because of it. I have grown leaps and bounds in my walk with the Lord in the past year. Why would I want to change that? I definitely could not be the Mom I am without the husband I have! It gives me a heart to pray for and appreciate all the parents out there that are single and raising a child/children with all different kinds of special needs. For those who are walking this journey as a single parent and may be reading this please know that you are being prayed for and Jesus knows every need you have and will continue to walk with you. You are NOT alone in the journey!
In this coming year I will continue to pour my heart out and be transparent because through it I know that there is encouragement for others. The Lord uses each moment, each tear, each feeling of frustration, joy, sadness to minister to others. I pray that as I continue on this journey that the Lord will speak to you and lift you in your times of grief, sadness in a situation and through it give you joy and peace to take one day and sometimes one moment at a time. God bless you as you learn to seek and trust Him this coming year!
Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You because he trusts in You".
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Running Around in Circles
I havent posted in a while mostly because I have been soooo busy with life. Life has been crazy but I have still been thinking about so many things in regards to David. I thought I was doing better than I am in dealing with his diagnosis. School has been going well and it has been hard to see the reality outside of his eating issues. I dont see him at school with my own eyes. I havent been able to see him with other children to know how he interacts with them on a daily basis. His teachers havent really been reporting anything in particular so I think I have just kind of gone into this mode of not seeing reality. In a sense that has been kind of nice. When he had therapy at home three days a week I saw so many other things....so many differences and things that David needed to work on. At times it was very overwhelming. Since he has been in pre school I havent had that daily reminder. However, lately the reality has started to appear and the process of grieving what I thought reality would be for my child has reared its ugly head again.
Today my husband came home from picking David up from pre school very discouraged. When he entered David's classroom all of the children were in a circle sitting quietly listening to a story except for David. He was running around over and over again in circles playing with a key oblivious to what was going on around him. When he called his name to come to him he just kept running in circles as if nothing was happening but what was in his world. We know he isnt deaf for those who are reading this and are tempted to ask whether he has had his hearing checked. At home he will respond to us whether he is facing us or not. My heart just sank. I have known and do know that there will be many times that this will happen. I have dreaded the first time that it would be clear to us he does not have the social skills for a child his age. He doesnt interact with the kids age appropriately. This makes me very sad.
I want him to make friends. I want him to be able to participate in reading time. I want him to be able to communicate. I dont want him to be different. There. I said it. I dont want him to be different. I was that kid that was different to my peers and it was hard. I dont want David to not be able to make friends because they dont understand him. I dont want him to go through the same horrible school experiences that I did. Some may ask or say, "Jennifer, he is only 2 1/2. Dont worry about this now! Why are you getting all upset about something that may not happen?" To that I say I always will. It is what it is. I am his Mom. It is a very real possibility and a reality that I must face. It is very hard to face and in these moments of observation. So many children with Autism regardless of the spectrum are not understood by their peers or even adults for that matter and it can be very lonely and frustrating. I pray the opposite for my son.
I praise the Lord for my husband who is on the Aspbergers part of the spectrum who, even in his discouragement, is so very encouraging to me. He and David will always have a special bond. He can relate to David in ways that I will never be able to understand. Sometimes that is hard but I wouldnt trade that blessing for anything. He can get David to do things that I am not able to get him to do because he understands him. He is patient. He is loving. He has tough love. He is in love with his little boy and therefore that makes me love him even more. I see them together and it is a beautiful picture. So, when I do have these moments when my heart sinks I am comforted in knowing that I am not alone and I have the best partner to walk this journey with. Thank you for reading and letting me share honestly with you. If anyone is struggling with the same journey please know I pray for you every day. Just keep looking to Jesus. He knows all that we need and He has our children in the palm of His hand......after all they really belong to Him.
Today my husband came home from picking David up from pre school very discouraged. When he entered David's classroom all of the children were in a circle sitting quietly listening to a story except for David. He was running around over and over again in circles playing with a key oblivious to what was going on around him. When he called his name to come to him he just kept running in circles as if nothing was happening but what was in his world. We know he isnt deaf for those who are reading this and are tempted to ask whether he has had his hearing checked. At home he will respond to us whether he is facing us or not. My heart just sank. I have known and do know that there will be many times that this will happen. I have dreaded the first time that it would be clear to us he does not have the social skills for a child his age. He doesnt interact with the kids age appropriately. This makes me very sad.
I want him to make friends. I want him to be able to participate in reading time. I want him to be able to communicate. I dont want him to be different. There. I said it. I dont want him to be different. I was that kid that was different to my peers and it was hard. I dont want David to not be able to make friends because they dont understand him. I dont want him to go through the same horrible school experiences that I did. Some may ask or say, "Jennifer, he is only 2 1/2. Dont worry about this now! Why are you getting all upset about something that may not happen?" To that I say I always will. It is what it is. I am his Mom. It is a very real possibility and a reality that I must face. It is very hard to face and in these moments of observation. So many children with Autism regardless of the spectrum are not understood by their peers or even adults for that matter and it can be very lonely and frustrating. I pray the opposite for my son.
I praise the Lord for my husband who is on the Aspbergers part of the spectrum who, even in his discouragement, is so very encouraging to me. He and David will always have a special bond. He can relate to David in ways that I will never be able to understand. Sometimes that is hard but I wouldnt trade that blessing for anything. He can get David to do things that I am not able to get him to do because he understands him. He is patient. He is loving. He has tough love. He is in love with his little boy and therefore that makes me love him even more. I see them together and it is a beautiful picture. So, when I do have these moments when my heart sinks I am comforted in knowing that I am not alone and I have the best partner to walk this journey with. Thank you for reading and letting me share honestly with you. If anyone is struggling with the same journey please know I pray for you every day. Just keep looking to Jesus. He knows all that we need and He has our children in the palm of His hand......after all they really belong to Him.
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Mom and Dad Were Chopped Liver :)
Three weeks ago David started a new adventure....pre school! He LOVES it! We found a wonderful private Christian pre school for him to attend and he just absolutely loves it! He has 12 kids in his class and two teachers that are wonderful. It has been so fun to see him come home with his projects that he made in school. Our fridge has been filled with wonderful decorative creations. :) It has also been so great for me as well. Working from home becomes quite challenging with a two year old and I have longed to send him to pre school so that he could make new friends and learn fun and exciting things. So, having the mornings to myself and knowing that David is having so much fun is a huge weight off of my shoulders and just gives me peace. I am so grateful for the Lord's provision in being able to send him to such a wonderful pre school.
On the first day of school we thought he would be so upset and just cry and cry when we left. Well, we were proven wrong. He just ran into the classroom and never looked back to say goodbye. Brian and I just laughed. It was hilarious to us. Then when we picked him up from school he just cried and cried when we got in the car to leave. Apparently Mom and Dad were chopped liver. LOL We were so happy though that he loved his new school. Thankfully he still cries every once in awhile to make us feel loved. :)
There have been many exciting things that David has improved on since he started pre school. He has started to try to communicate in different ways. He has added two new words. He says, "uh-oh" constantly and the other day when I asked what he wanted instead of falling on the floor and having a tantrum out of frustration he pointed to his sippy cup and said "si-cup". We were sooo excited! :) He had never been able to ask for a drink on his own before. It was always such a battle for him to be able to communicate. We have been working on sign language for awhile and it has not helped his speech. He just gets frustrated. So, to be able to not only understand what he wanted but to see him actually ask for something it was such a blessing. Even though he is still not saying "mom" or "dad" it gives me hope that he will do that soon. Each step is a victory and each small victory I just take in and rejoice. Dont take the little things for granted!!!! Take them and praise the Lord for those things. It is so easy to not notice the little things but they are huge blessings.
Although there are many obstacles to go through it is a blessing to know that the Lord has David in his hands. He has a huge plan for his life and He will use David's life for His glory. He is already a tool to draw me closer to the Lord and is a testimony of God's faithfulness and blessing on our lives. May we continue to surrender David into the Lord's hands....David belongs to the Lord and we have just been given the honor to raise him to walk with Jesus. What an adventure that will be! :)
On the first day of school we thought he would be so upset and just cry and cry when we left. Well, we were proven wrong. He just ran into the classroom and never looked back to say goodbye. Brian and I just laughed. It was hilarious to us. Then when we picked him up from school he just cried and cried when we got in the car to leave. Apparently Mom and Dad were chopped liver. LOL We were so happy though that he loved his new school. Thankfully he still cries every once in awhile to make us feel loved. :)
There have been many exciting things that David has improved on since he started pre school. He has started to try to communicate in different ways. He has added two new words. He says, "uh-oh" constantly and the other day when I asked what he wanted instead of falling on the floor and having a tantrum out of frustration he pointed to his sippy cup and said "si-cup". We were sooo excited! :) He had never been able to ask for a drink on his own before. It was always such a battle for him to be able to communicate. We have been working on sign language for awhile and it has not helped his speech. He just gets frustrated. So, to be able to not only understand what he wanted but to see him actually ask for something it was such a blessing. Even though he is still not saying "mom" or "dad" it gives me hope that he will do that soon. Each step is a victory and each small victory I just take in and rejoice. Dont take the little things for granted!!!! Take them and praise the Lord for those things. It is so easy to not notice the little things but they are huge blessings.
Although there are many obstacles to go through it is a blessing to know that the Lord has David in his hands. He has a huge plan for his life and He will use David's life for His glory. He is already a tool to draw me closer to the Lord and is a testimony of God's faithfulness and blessing on our lives. May we continue to surrender David into the Lord's hands....David belongs to the Lord and we have just been given the honor to raise him to walk with Jesus. What an adventure that will be! :)
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