Smile, Bounce and Flap! :)

                                               David's speech therapy had started and I was so excited! The Lord gave him a wonderful therapist who just loves David and is always so excited to spend time with him. She just wants the best for David and has always been so encouraging to me as well. Her therapy sessions weren’t as dramatic as the other therapist. I think it was a bit easier with her because she was only working on his speech and not concentrating on the dreaded eating. :) We did have a lot of work to do though. But with her to me it was just fun! I loved therapy with her and I loved how David loved it as well. One thing that David has never been able to do so far is mimic, waive, clap his hands and participate in singing games using hand motions etc. When he was just a few months old I noticed he didn’t like me to do patty cake with his hands. I didn’t really think anything of it. I kept an eye on it but wasn’t really concerned. As time passed by he was still not wanting me to do it and he would just stare when I would try to get him to participate. It was like he knew he was supposed to do something but just couldn’t figure it out. He would laugh and think that it was great and flapped his arms up and down repeatedly but when I would try to get him to participate he would get frustrated. He didn’t want his hands to be messed with. He would just watch and flap his hands up and down and bounce. I thought it was cute. He did this from the time that he sat up and I just thought it was him being cute. The longer this lasted the clearer it came to me that this was more than just a child being cute. Of course, he was always cute so how was I supposed to know the difference?!! LOL
                    As I said, he has always had pretty good eye contact but we did notice that during these times of play he would look anywhere but at our eyes. He would look at our lips or hands or above us but would not look at us. When we would try to get his attention at times when he was spacy we had to get in his face to get him to look at us. I remember watching him one time with my sister when she visited and she was holding him up in front of her and she repeatedly said his name and he would look everywhere but her face. I think that was the first time that I noticed something different....but again I didn’t really think much of it. That was before he started therapy. We are still working on teaching him to waive, mimic, and clap his hands. Sometimes it is hard to watch. I cannot wait for the day to hear him ask for something or call me mom and be able to know with confidence that is what he is trying to say. I cannot wait to hear him say "Jesus loves me". I cannot wait for him to waive bye bye or say "hi". It something that I so long for! But, for now I will be content in knowing that every hug and every time he smooshes his little face into me that he is saying,"I love you Mommy"! That makes my heart melt. It gives me joy because it tells me that he knows that he is loved and taken care of and feels secure. When those other things come I will have a huge celebration and praise the Lord for each moment!
                               The best part of my day with David is anytime that we pray. Whether it is at mealtime, naptime or bedtime whenever we start to say, "Dear Jesus..." he just brightens up with a smile I cannot even describe and just starts to belly laugh with joy and as we continue to pray he starts flapping his arms and bouncing. I have never seen this kind of reaction in any other child. When we say, "In Jesus name we pray AMEN" he gets so excited and starts belly laughing again. This will happen whenever we stop and pray and he just watches Brian and I and just laughs. It NEVER fails.....EVERY TIME!!! I LOVE it!!!! I pray that he will always have a soft heart and love for the Lord. When we spend these moments with David he just brings me such joy and reminds me that the Lord has him in the palm of His hand and I look forward to watching His plan for David unfold.

                                          

I had hope....for that I was ever so grateful!

                     This was the day I was waiting for..... the first day of therapy for David....He was 14 months old. I was so excited to get started. His first session was with his Occupational Therapist. I remember being so nervous too. At this point whenever I would feed David....actually as soon as we put him in his high chair....all he would do is scream! Scream and gag. Scream and gag. Scream and gag. The pattern never ended. I tried so many things. I would prepare his food ahead of time. I would play music. I would sing. I would act silly to get him to smile. Sometimes those things would work to stop him from screaming but about 90% of the time he would still cry. I could not figure out for the life of me why he seemed so frustrated and upset at mealtime. It wasn’t that he wouldn’t eat. He would eat whenever I put the spoon in his mouth between cries and he would even want the food. He would lean forward and ask for it. So, it wasn’t that he wasn’t interested at all. He didn’t act at all like he didn’t like the food. Once it was put in his mount most of the time he would just gag part of it. As an example of his reaction to texture in food I remember at his first birthday party we gave him a cupcake. He just looked at it and cried. He gagged when we attempted to put some icing on his tongue and he stiffened up and cried and cried when he had icing on his hands. He hated it!

        I remember feeling so inadequate as a mom and thought for sure the therapist would be so hard on me. I know it seems silly but at this point I thought I didn’t even know how to do anything.....I thought I was doing something wrong. Then she came and it was like someone threw me a life preserver. I had built up so much frustration and sadness and I just felt so tired and overwhelmed. I asked the Lord for a therapist that would not only help David but also would help me in this journey. When she came she made me feel completely opposite of all that I believed myself to be at the time. She and I always talk about this first session with David. She had her hands full! All he did was cry and scream in his high chair. He wouldn’t play with the food at all and if I tried to put his hands in it he would just go into a full-fledged fit! He hated anything in his hands. He turned his head....but again still ate. I don’t think that there was a moment in this session that was peaceful. David just cried the whole entire time! It was nuts!

           I remember sitting there with her and she was the first one that listened to me when I told her my fears of him possibly having autism. In the midst of a crying child and trying to get through a therapy session it felt so comforting to be able to finally be able to cry and pour out my heart to another mom who was not only a therapist but also was walking the same journey with her child. She was not just giving me her professional opinion she was giving me comfort through telling me that all my thoughts and feelings were normal and okay. I felt like I made a friend. She understood! It was okay to allow myself to have moments of feeling overwhelmed. It was okay to grieve. She is a believer and she took the time to let me know she would be praying for me and David. I was so grateful to the Lord for giving David such a wonderful therapist that I knew would do her best in working with him on his delays. I also appreciated the fact that even though autism was a possibility she was taking a cautious view so that a conclusion would not be made too quickly. I was in full agreement! I knew we were on the same page and that was comforting as well. So, we continued.

         We decided to tackle the eating issue by going back to the basics. We just gave him one food at a time to see what he would tolerate. We stayed with breakfast cereal in the morning because at the point that was the one meal he seemed to tolerate the most and was the least emotional. He also hardly gagged on it. For lunch we started with carrots and bananas. All the foods were pureed. We did attempt foods with texture but at that point he was not close to being ready for them. We noticed right off that he was very sensitive to smell as well. Something that was the tiny bit different even to the color of the food would make him react so negatively. We were on a long journey...longer than I could have anticipated. But, the journey had started and we were taking one step, one moment and one day at a time.  I had hope....for that I was ever so grateful!
 

 *************This is an example of what would do at mealtime.  This was his first birthday party.