One year ago, January 2, 2014, the roller coaster started. As I have thought about the last year and the journey that we have been on I look in wander at all the lessons, blessings, struggles and joy that the Lord has walked with us through. As you have read, if you have been following my blog this last year, it seems like it has been an updown journey. It cerainly has like in all the seasons of life....the winter, spring, summer and fall seasons of life as we walk through it. This last year has cerainly produced those seasons when it comes to Autism and what it has meant to me. As I have read through the postings of the past year and have reflected on those moments I have many thoughts that I'd like to share with you. It has been awhile since I have been able to share....life has been nuts! I have been hungering to do so as I have received so much encouragement from many who have been reading it. I have decided to break these up into seperate blog posts in order to get back into the pattern of ministering to fellow parents of children with special needs at the start of this new year. This is just a tool that the Lord is using to minister to those who are walking this same journey.
First, I think it only appropriate to share how blessed I am to be married to a man who happens to be on the Autism Spectrum. He has taught me so many things in the last year. He has been patient, loving, understanding and has helped me understand the blessings. As I watch him be a Daddy to David with a patience that I honestly dont have sometimes....as all moms struggle with....it just amazes me. Brian and David have a special bond that no other person will ever be able to understand....not just because they are father and son. Brian has an ability to relate to our crazy 2 1/2 year old in a way that I will never be able to. Does that make me frustrated sometimes in the midst of tantrums? YES! It's not just parenting style. I literally see that David is a cookie cutter of his Daddy. They are sooooo very much a like. I love that! Because of that Brian makes me a better parent. The Lord is using my husband to teach me to be able to relate....to learn how to communicate with David although he is still non verbal. Brian just has this gift of being able to understand him. I am also grateful for his understanding of my frustrations. At the beginning of this journey it was extremely difficult. I was processing reality and it was always Brian's reality so it took some time to be able to understand that. But the Lord has been faithful. He has walked with us and we have become one in the journey. Brian has taught me to look for abilities and success in the little things. He makes me smile when he gets so goofy with David and dances around praising him for the things he succeeds at. He makes up his own lyrics to songs and is just silly with him. We have fun! Autism is a struggle. I struggle knowing that David will always struggle BUT Autism brings so many blessings and lessons with it.
My husband is a huge blessing. I think about the fact that the Lord knew way before I even met Brian that he was to be the man I would marry. He knew that He would not give us a child for 11 years. He knew that David was going to be created perfectly in His image but in that perfection happen to have Autism. He knew that I would be married to a husband and have a child who both are on the Autism Spectrum. He was never ever surprised. He planned it. He knew that this would be the journey that He would take me on. Is it hard? Yes. Do I sometimes struggle and not understand? Yes. Would I change it? No. Why? Because Jesus has called me to the journey and He is blessing me in it.....in the good, the bad and the ugly. He is blessing me in it. I am a better wife and a better mom because of it. I have grown leaps and bounds in my walk with the Lord in the past year. Why would I want to change that? I definitely could not be the Mom I am without the husband I have! It gives me a heart to pray for and appreciate all the parents out there that are single and raising a child/children with all different kinds of special needs. For those who are walking this journey as a single parent and may be reading this please know that you are being prayed for and Jesus knows every need you have and will continue to walk with you. You are NOT alone in the journey!
In this coming year I will continue to pour my heart out and be transparent because through it I know that there is encouragement for others. The Lord uses each moment, each tear, each feeling of frustration, joy, sadness to minister to others. I pray that as I continue on this journey that the Lord will speak to you and lift you in your times of grief, sadness in a situation and through it give you joy and peace to take one day and sometimes one moment at a time. God bless you as you learn to seek and trust Him this coming year!
Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You because he trusts in You".
