Today I was watching an interview with Kody Lee's Mom. He was the winner of America's Got Talent. He was born blind and also has autism yet the Lord has given him an AMAZING gift of communicating through his love for music. He has such great talent! No limits! As I was watching the interview I could not help but cry as I heard this mother's story of what it was like to walk the journey of having a child with special needs.....one who could not see and had autism on top of that. She spoke about the challenge of being in denial that he was blind until the doctors diagnosed him. Then she allowed herself to accept his diagnosis and got him all the services available to him....then he was diagnosed with Autism. That hit her like a ton of bricks! She was like most Moms who face this diagnosis. What does this mean? Will my child be independent? Will my child be able to communicate? Will my child be okay? Will they be stuck in their own world forever? How am I ever going to do this? And the ever difficult question....why would God think that I would be the perfect parent for my child? What do I have to give them? All these questions I have asked. All of them. I don't ask the last question anymore as I now see how the Lord is using this journey to stretch me and to minister to other Moms who are walking it. I now see through my son's eyes when he has a victory. When he struggles he comes to me. He looks for me. He knows I am there. He knows I point him to Jesus as we pray together to help him be able to be brave through those challenges. I see my highest calling in my son each day.
However, there are times....and they have been more frequent lately....when I ask myself if I have done enough? Have I held David back in those times of exhaustion when it has been just too hard? Have I held him back from success when I have not pushed him in moments when I should have? As I was listening to this sweet Mom speak about how she just makes her son do everything and pushes him more and more I was fighting back the lie that says "I have failed". "It is too late." "I am not that strong" "It's too hard!" Parents who have children with special needs are the only ones who would know for sure those struggles. I have a feeling that if I were to sit down with this sweet lady and share all that I am sharing with you she would tell me that these are lies that are directly from the enemy!!! I know that. I just battle the part that goes to my heart as I watch my son....as I see the differences in my son in comparison to other children his age. That is when I have to choose to give those thoughts to the Lord and keep my mind focused on His truth and what His Word says! He is my strength! I CAN do all things through HIS strength! It is NEVER too late!! I have NOT failed!!! The Lord has a HUGE plan for David! He will perfect it!
Having a child who has autism feels like a roller coaster at times in so many ways. Each roller coaster is different for each parent and family because each child's journey and needs are different. There have been so many highs and this is an exciting time for me and David. This is an exciting time because I am finally able to get out of my fear and push David farther than he desires. I have been able to see him have victory over so many foods he has tried.....about 7 actually!!!! What a miracle I thought would NEVER happen!!! At the same time this is an emotional time too. Watching this interview brought out the emotions of what this journey has been like. But at the same time I felt such motivation as well to keep going. To keep fighting the fear. To keep persevering. To keep pushing. To keep cheering him on!!! To keep working as a team and to keep pointing David to Jesus and teaching him the Jesus gives him the ability to be brave when he is afraid. To keep praising the Lord for each victory as well as the knowledge of His faithfulness to walk us through each challenge. He is, has been and will continue to be faithful to this Mom who leans on Jesus each day to give all that she needs as she parents her son for His glory!
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